Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Can't believe Tom didn't spot this one...

by Drek

From his "The Onion is a Priceless National Treasure" department comes this account of the Bush national health care plan:

Jesus Is My Health Insurance

I tell you, people these days have lost their faith. Everybody's turning to the television or drugs or the government to solve their problems, when they should be trusting in the Lord.

Why, just the other day I went to County General because my legs were giving me awful pains, and this nurse starting asking me questions about providers and what was my health care plan and wanting my insurance card so she could copy it. I said, "Child, I don't need all that fancy paperwork—not as long as I have Jesus in my heart."

No matter what sorts of hardships and illnesses life throws my way, I always count on the Lord to oversee my managed care. So I told that nurse to send my bills right up to heaven. Send them right on up, because Jesus is my preferred provider and He always grants me full coverage. After all, Jesus believed in healing the sick and helping the poor, so He most definitely believes in paying my doctor bills on time.

It'd be a lot funnier if it weren't so tragic. I just wonder how soon we're going to start seeing WHMOWJU?* bumperstickers.

* Seriously, people, you can figure it out if you try.


A 33 year old who was likely apprenticed as a carpenter (and therefore should have been in decent shape), who walked from Orthodox enclave to Orthodox enclave, but whose legs broke long before any normal crucifixion victim's was undoubtedly an HMO member--those congential deficiencies went untreated, after all.
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