Marginal Utility

by Ken Houghton

Real football, that is.

Pleasantly catching up last night on the Premier League games of the weekend (most of which were missed because of the East Coast version of a "hoedown" for kids; don't ask).

Aston Villa performed marvelously against Newcastle (spelling corrected by my Loyal Reader; actually, I was thinking of this one), tying the game early in the second half, followed by a hat trick from Norwegian John Carew (the last a penalty kick).

Looked as if it might have been a fun game to watch, except for one thing:

Both teams wore the jersey of their sponsor. For Villa, something called 32red.com, which is meaningless for me.* But Newcastle's sponsor is Northern Rock.

It's difficult to imagine a team with Northern Rock on their jerseys beating almost anyone right now.

*It's a UK-based online casino, apparently. Since only an idiot would play a casino game online, I'm afraid I can't tell you if it's a good one.

Labels: High Finance, real football

by Ken Houghton

WARNING: VIDEO EMBEDS NOT SAFE FOR KIDS. OR MOST HUMANS.

No, not that one. It's time to end the Philadelphia Flyers franchise.

I say this with a heavy heart, knowing I have at least one relative who may never speak to me again. Knowing that the Devils have the best record in the conference (take that, Burnside), knowing that the Rangers have not won in 2008 yet. But when Bobby Clarke gets loose with this, it's clear there's GOOD reason that league games are more difficult to find than the English Premier League football:

"When he went after [Jason] Blake, I loved it," Clarke told The Sports Network of Canada.

What's Clarke's definition of "Went after"?? Here's Downie on Blake:



That's right:

Downie punched Blake in the left eye as Blake was being held back by an official during a scuffle. [emphasis mine]

Here's Downie's hit on Dean McAmmond in the preseason, which may not quite reach McSorley or Todd Bertuzzi levels, but for which there is no excuse:



Well, unless you're Clarke:

Clarke said Blake deserved Downie's punch for saying Downie should have been suspended for more than 20 games.

"Blake was a guy who had no problem going out and saying [Downie] should be suspended for life or suspended for the year," Clarke said. "When you say something that stupid, why shouldn't this kid go after him for it?

"The kid did what every hockey player should do. If a player like Blake who's been around as long as he has wants to criticize a player, then he has to go on the ice with him and suffer the consequences."

"The consequences" = sucker punched while the referee holds him.

Here's that 25-game Boulerice hit (with the Flyer announcers trying to be nice):



Colin Campbell should resign in shame, having admitted that he "sells hate."

There is some justice, but even that's not the type anyone wants to see. Ken Campbell (presumably no relation to Colin, as he appears moderately sane) notes:

But perhaps the Flyers will learn something from the fact they’ll be without Joffrey Lupul for at least two weeks after he suffered a concussion and a bruised spinal cord. Because the only reason it happened was that he was decked by his own teammate’s illegal hit.

The only reason why it’s Lupul and not Maple Leafs winger Alexander Steen who is injured, is that Flyer defenseman Derian Hatcher’s classic headshot didn’t hit the intended target. On the play, Hatcher spotted Steen skating through the neutral zone, then came in with his elbows up and left his feet in an attempt to separate him from his senses.

Although Steen did get hit, he managed to avoid the brunt of it, but Lupul, who was skating right behind him, took his teammate’s elbows right to the head. Had that hit connected on Steen, there’s a good chance the league would have been reviewing two incidents involving the Flyers. [emphasis mine; think Downie's hit on McAmmond, and realise how well that "double secret probation" is working]

Enough is enough. It's intersession, and I was going to try to enjoy hockey. Instead, this coming Saturday features matches with Arsenal, Manchester United, and Juventus. None of whom employ Bobby Clarke or Colin Campbell.

Labels: hockey, mass media, real football, sports

by Ken Houghton

There are very few religions in this world* worth devotion: sex, bicycling, and soccer are certainly three.

David Hirshey at deadspin sort of combined all three.

"in this world" is deliberate; eschewing Pascal's wager in a moment of carpe diem leaves one with a manageable time scale and therefore definable Utility functions. Assuming an afterlife, or even reincarnation, throws a serious spanner into PV calculations, as the amount of time in limbo/transit/stasis/etc. cannot be discounted appropriately.

Labels: Economics, real football, Sex

by Ken Houghton

My Loyal Reader sends this link to Manchester United v Chelsea. Sample comments:

[Chelsea manager] Avram immediately comes bounding down to the touchline from the dugout; maybe [Chelsea owner] Roman's thrown a stick onto the pitch.

"This has the potential to be the dullest Big Four clash in history, and that's saying something," shouts Archi Campbell over a torrent of running hot water, between mouthfuls of Tesco Value Gin. "It might even end up with a negative amount of goals." Archi, you're talking my language.

Chelsea just haven't a clue, although here I'm specifically talking about the team.

I'm trying to see both sides here, and have ended up saying nothing.

Labels: real football, sports